Journal 3rd

I have been writing this journal for a while. I suppose this is the third volume of it. I started when I was about to leave America, the second one was from, I don’t know. But there were some intervals between them. My previous computer didn’t accept Blogger so I had to stop keeping a journal. It sounds weird, but my PC didn’t show only Blogger. Besides it was nice to part from this for a while, a year since I was fed up with thinking about readers. I know no one would read my journal. Some might have happened to visit this, but I bet all the money in this world nobody has read this seriously.

It’s stupid to consider non-exist readers; like I should not use bad words and all. I know swear words make people look stupid when the people don’t speak good English. I know many Mexicans who swore a lot, but didn’t know proper English. They looked, even to me, stupid. Broken-English speakers swear a lot. It’s partly because they want to hide their poor English with those strong words. At least they think fuck, shit, and etc. disperse the idea that they speak shitty English. Another reason, a broken-English speaker uses swear words a lot is that he slightly knows better English than beginners. At least they know how to make a sentence like “I like mayonnaise. But I don’t like house radish.” And if he can talk with a real English speaker a minute with that English level, he may think “It’s time to swear.” It’s all Hollywood’s fault. Scriptwriters in LA must have the delusion that every one of movies should consist of swear words, or no one likes their story. Anyway, those confused broken-English speakers start using fuck, shit, what the fuck, look at the shit to impress people for their “good” English.

“Could pass me the fucking mayonnaise please?” “What the fuck is going on, sir?” If you overhear like these, don’t look to the direction right away, but consider their English level. There is nothing you can do for him. Hollywood is to blame, not Japanese or Mexicans.

Well I was talking about how stupid to be too self-conscious. Well fuck it. I will just write whatever I want to write.

Don't attribute your falt to somebody

Do you believe in people? I don’t. Especially, in these days I feel people are really untrustworthy.

It dates back to 2 months ago. I was looking for a person who could come to Scotland to join our wedding. First person came into my mind was Ishimaru, who came to our engagement party last year. I thought he could be my best man as well. It was nice of him saying yes right away. I offered him tickets, but he didn’t accept it. He also asked me if he could bring his wife. This was wrong.

He kept putting off buying tickets. I asked him a lot because my father was supposed to go with them. They didn’t even seem to do any paper work for their Passport. One month and 2 weeks before the wedding he phoned me and told he couldn’t go to Scotland. I knew it since they were reluctant to buy tickets when I and Maz went up to Takamatsu to help them for tickets. They probably didn’t realize how expensive tickets were. I could read what they were thinking at the travel agency, so I offered money again. But he declined, again. I hadn’t heard from him for a long time, then he phoned me. I had to look for another person. Ishimaru, he is a fucker. He could have told me a long time ago. And his excuse sucked. He said his client wouldn’t give him patient—he was a manager of caretaker—if he were absent for 1 week. What made it worse was he kept saying, on the phone, he couldn’t have a chance to go abroad if he missed the chance. He said sorry, but he tried hard to make me feel sorry for him. He couldn’t fool me. Even if what his client said was a truth, he tried to fool me. He is a fucker, and so was his wife.

I had to find another guy. My parents, especially my father, thought only he and I would go to Scotland wouldn’t look nice to Maz’s friends, because many of her friends would fly from such as Australia, New Zealand, etc. We decided to find my best man. It wasn’t difficult. But we didn’t have much time, because generally boarding tickets cost more if you didn’t leave 28 days before the flight. I had only 30 days then. The guy who I asked was Akisawa. I went to the states with him years ago. He was not a reliable person, but he was the only one I could ask at the last minute. His answer was yes, and he right away asked his company to get days off. I booked the tickets. Everything was all set. I felt peace in my mind. The peace was broken very easily. The day before I was going to pay for the tickets, he phoned me out of blue. I thought he might want to know the flight schedule in detail again or something. He asked me first if I actually bought the tickets. I sensed something wrong was coming up. Then he said he could call the travel agency to cancel by himself. He added his grandmother was hospitalized and he had to stay in case she would die or something. What the great timing man. But I was not stupid to believe his story. I knew right away, his wife strongly disagreed with him going to Scotland by himself. He’s got a 2 year-old kid. I can picture his wife informed his parents to stop him. Obviously, she was angry with him. Anyway, the guy Akisawa told me his grandmother was dying and couldn’t come. He is also a fucker. He could have told the truth. I knew his wife is a jealous girl.

Anyway, I don’t trust anyone anymore.

I had a weird dream this morning. I don’t remember, though. Only the feeling that I had a strange dream I have.

We have a cat at our farm now. It was a stray cat, but we were pretty sure it once was a pet somewhere. I first tried to catch him to get rid of. I don’t mean killing him; just shove him into a sack and dump him at a deep forest or somewhere. But he was really quick, I never had a chance to touch him. The funny thing was weeks later—I was still trying to catch him—I saw my mother petting him. The cat was lying on the ground, completely off its guard. Well I didn’t imagine a way we could be friends.

It has been a week since I tried to be a friend with him. Now he let me pet if I bring some food. I even can scratch his chin. Well now I can chuck him, but I don’t want to.

In these days, our internet connection is really unstable. That put me off from keeping a journal. Well or I am just lazy.

Last night, we had an email from our President telling one of the former officer decided to quit Toastmasters. Well first thing I thought was good for her. No offence, but to be honest, I really thought she made a good decision. And the next sentence was saying the reason. She said 1. she sometimes had to work on Sunday—bullshit—and 2. Toastmaster became too much work for her. Well, giver a big hand! Her email will probably awake all of us that Toastmasters is now too much for all of us.

I maybe tired these days. I cannot remember things which I just have done. Did I go snails? I don’t know. If I stop keeping a journal, I am in hospital without my mind.